Honey
Labor Day Weekend 1995 - July 8, 2010
On a hot Saturday afternoon Alex was outside enjoying spraying everything in sight with his super soaker. He was 10 and happy that there was no school on Monday. I think I was contemplating taking a shower or just being by myself for a few minutes. I heard some commotion outside and Alex was yelling for "Mom."
There, outside on the carport was Alex holding on to the over-sized collar of the dirtiest little dog I had ever seen. She was also the sweetest little dog I had ever seen. My mother found some old belt to use as a leash. We grabbed a bowl for some water. I took off for the local pet store to get some food. She gobbled the food so quickly and lapped up the water and seemed to be very much at ease with us.
I remembered trying to cut some matted fur off...she was badly matted. Once the majority of the mats were removed we took her into the bathtub and started to clean her up. I'm pretty sure we were in the tub for over an hour, as it was shampoo and rinse for several cycles until she was cleaned up.
We did the right thing...trying to find her family. We posted signs and talked to neighbors, placed ads in newspapers, called vets and the humane society...and Alex and I were both secretly praying that no one would respond. No one claimed her and she would make her home with us for the next 15 years.
My mom said she looked like the color of honey...and so she was named. A visit to our vet where Dr. Jane estimated that she was between 6 months and a year and we had her spayed and teeth cleaned and her first grooming where she had to be shaved down because of the mats.
She lived up to that name, being the sweetest dog. We are grateful that she chose us as her family, and I referred to her as my doggee daughter, and Alex's sister. Non-dog people probably rolled their eyes when I would say to Honey to go find her brother...she was much more than a pet, she was a full-fledged member of the family.
She would sit in my lap as I worked on my coursework for my teaching degree. I had just started the program that would lead to my being certified to teach middle grades, and Honey was my muse.
She and Alex were inseparable when he was at home, they walked and played and Honey would often pull him down the street when he roller-bladed.
Honey became a desert dog when we moved to Las Vegas. On the trip out we had to hide her in a duffel bag to smuggle her in to motels that were not dog-friendly. She loved to ride in the car and loved adventures.
In Las Vegas we had to leave her alone for longer periods than we would have liked, my teaching schedule was demanding and when Alex entered high school his activities increased. When we would come in the door Honey would meet us with tail wagging and body vibrating. She was always happy when the pack was home.
We had a great many adventures in the desert. Long walks in our neighborhood, trips to California and Colorado. Honey adopted Alex's friend Ian as a brother and member of the pack. Our years in the desert were good.
Honey was right there with me when I had to move back to Georgia in 2003. We drove the many miles together. I took her into rest stop restrooms with me and we would stretch our legs and take in the scenery.
Alex would rejoin our pack a couple of years later and Honey would welcome her "brother" with tail wagging and seemed to almost wriggle out of her skin when she saw him.
The years just flew by...I became aware that Honey was aging...but with her puppy face and the vet always telling us how healthy she was and how good she looked...I blocked out any thoughts of my Honey getting older.
The very first time Honey had ever refused food was in early 2009. She was scheduled to have her teeth cleaned and I immediately called the vet to get her checked before that appointment. It was determined that she was having gall bladder issues and in February of 2009 she had her gall bladder removed. She did well during and after the surgery. The vets said that her kidney enzymes were elevated and she would be monitored.
Honey recovered well, but I was aware of her slowing down. I reduced the distance of her walks, we watched her diet and changed foods. I became a little more obsessive regarding her health. Alex and I did a lot of research and we refused vaccinations that were not absolutely necessary.
We bought Honey an orthopedic dog bed that was supposed to help relieve stress on joints. We had long ago stopped letting her jump into and out of the car. We increased our doggee massages and lavished more and more love and time. I suppose we knew what was coming, but could not bring ourselves to say anything out loud.
Around the first of June 2010 Honey got up from her bed and was limping. I immediately called the vet and she was seen that afternoon. Dr. Potter commented on how good she looked, and we talked about arthritis and as he looked over her chart he mentioned the elevated kidney enzymes. We left with some topical antibiotics for her ears (she had never had any ear infections that seem to plague many Cocker Spaniels) and a bag of Glucosamine Chondroitin for her 15 year old joints.
A few weeks later Honey started refusing her food and had a spell of diarrhea. I started cooking her food. She would stand in the kitchen as I cooked, waiting for her dish of rice and turkey and ground carrots and peas. She loved it and I loved cooking for her. The diarrhea continued and I took her to the vet.
On June 30 the vet examined her, and ran blood tests. Once again the kidney enzymes were elevated, her white count was up. Honey was really sick.
The vet started her on a IV. We took her to the emergency vet so they could continue the IV and monitor her overnight. I would pick her up the next morning and take her back to the vet for continued IV and monitoring.
Later that afternoon the vet called to say that she had done an ultrasound of Honey's kidneys. What she found was horrifying. Both kidneys were full of cysts. One kidney was covered almost completely by a huge cyst. It was determined that Honey had Polycystic Kidney Disease. It is common in cats and there are a few dog breeds that have it, but there was no literature on Cockers being effected.
The vet would let us take her home and we had antibiotics and some powder to place on her food that would help with breaking down the phosphorus that contributes to the formation of cysts. Honey was on a low-fat, low-protein, low phosphorus diet. There is no cure for Polycystic Kidney Disease.
She did well that weekend. Her appetite was back with a vengeance, we walked a bit and Alex, Honey and I decided we would sleep downstairs with her, as a pack.
I found a recipe for low-fat, low-protein, low-phosphorus dog cookies. The first batch was a disaster, but I picked out some that Honey could eat. She loved them.
On Tuesday July 6, I tried another batch, and was successful. Honey and I baked dog cookies, and she enjoyed them. I really had the best time baking with her. We bagged up some and printed out the recipe and Alex delivered them to the neighbor dogs.
Honey's recheck with the vet was on Wednesday July 7. When Alex brought her home he said "Mom, don't get all weird..." My heart sank. The best case scenario was that Honey would have months...the worst...weeks"
Not long after Alex had brought her back from the vet, I noticed Honey started pacing. She would pace and then rest for a bit and then start pacing again. She began pacing more and more and would end up entangled in furniture and she would try to get in a corner. This behavior would last all of Wednesday and Wednesday night.
We took turns "walking" with her. Holding her when she was able to rest for a time. It was heartbreaking to see. This went on all night and into the next morning.
Alex had a early call on Thursday morning or a public service announcement gig. I took Honey out around 3:30 am and we stayed out for almost an hour. She paced endlessly, she didn't appear to recognize me. She tried to hide in corners and refused to drink, but would take a few sips if I cupped some water in my hand.
Alex reluctantly left for his job around 5 am. Honey finally settled down, and she fell asleep with her head on my arm. We were almost nose to nose. Her soft muzzle was close to my face and I could feel and hear her breathing. Her breath was not doggee at all. It was like a puppy all sweet and pure. I lied there with her gently touching her and cherishing what I knew were my last moments with her. I remember telling her how much I loved her and that it was OK for her to go on. I thought if the universe had any kindness or sense of compassion, it would let her slip away.
Her rest lasted almost an hour. Then the pacing started again. More frantic more heartbreaking to watch. All the time she paced I was with her. I placed a very loose leash on her and guarded her so she would not fall or get stuck. She was refusing the water on my fingertips so I wetted a towel and tried to drip some on her mouth.
At one point during a pacing session, Honey looked up at me. She had the look I had seen from her on the few occasions that I had scolded her. She looked at me as if I had been scolding, the look was wounded, desperate. I told her that she had not done anything wrong...that I loved her and everything was going to be alright...I was saddened beyond belief that she thought I was punishing her.
It was at that point that I knew what must be done. Before that moment, I allowed the thought to enter and then quickly leave. It was now reality. Painful, obvious reality.
The vet's office did not open until 8:00 am. I waited until they opened and called. Dr. Potter returned the call. We discussed the situation and I told him we could call once I had talked to Alex.
Alex called when he was finished with his job. I filled him in on the events and conversation with Dr. Potter.
When Alex got home, he called Dr. Potter. It was agreed that Dr. Potter would come to the house along with a vet tech.
Alex and I sat on the sofa and held Honey on our laps. Her precious head was on his lap and her little tail on mine. She was give a shot to make her sleep. The shot made her yelp and I thought I would die. She was able to relax for the first time in over a day. Once she was sleeping she started snoring and she was our little sleepy puppy once again.
There was a bit of a problem finding a vein. I wanted to go with her. It was very fast. I recall Alex saying she was gone.
There were tears from everyone. Alex carried her out to Dr. Potters car.
Honey was cremated. Her jar is inscribed:
Honey
Beautiful and Noble
Infinitely Beloved
1995 - 2010
