If Down Syndrome People Ruled the World

If People with Down Syndrome Ruled the World
Dennis McGuire, PhD
Adult Down Syndrome Center of Lutheran General Hospital
Park Ridge, Illinois
This paper was originally delivered as a plenary address at the conference in Chicago in July of 2005, co-sponsored by the National Down Syndrome Society and the National Association for Down Syndrome.

What would happen if people with DS ruled the world?
If people with Down syndrome ruled the world:

Affection, hugging and caring for others would make a big comeback.

Despite the fact that my family was not terribly affectionate, I have had a crash course in hugging at the Center. I am confident that if people with Down syndrome ran the world, everyone would become very accustomed to the joys of hugging. Fortunately for me, I had a head start. My wife is a native of Argentina, and I got some intense exposure to hugging when I landed in her country and found there were 6000 members of her family waiting to be hugged as we got off the plane.


All people would be encouraged to develop and use their gifts for helping others.

In our world, too often people with Down syndrome are “DONE FOR” by others, when in fact they are great givers. If they ran the world, their ability to minister to others would not be wasted.


People would be refreshingly honest and genuine.

People with Down syndrome are nothing if not straightforward and unpretentious. As the expression goes, “what you see is what you get.” When you say to people with Down syndrome, “You did a good job,” most will answer simply and matter-of-factly, “Yes, I did.”

We believe, too, that a stuffy high society would probably not do well in the world of Down syndrome.

However, we believe that BIG dress up dances would flourish. People with Down syndrome love dressing up and dancing at big shindigs. They have a ball, and …can they dance! (and by the way, who needs a date… “Just dance”).

Most people we have met with Down syndrome also love weddings. This should not be a big surprise. They love getting dressed up, being with family and friends, having good food, and, of course, dancing until the wee hours of the morning. (Many people love it so much, they will chase the band down at the end of the night, begging them to continue.) Perhaps, too, part of the reason they love weddings so much is not just because of the food and dancing, but because in many cases the rules against hugging are temporarily suspended. This may give people a little piece of what I experienced in Argentina. Whoa! Can you imagine what the world would be like with so much affection unleashed?

People engaged in self talk would be considered thoughtful and creative. Self talk rooms would be reserved in offices and libraries to encourage this practice.

People with Down syndrome have a reputation for “talking to themselves.” When conducted in a private space, self talk serves many adaptive purposes.

It is a wonderful means to ponder ideas and to think out loud. It allows people to review events that occurred in the course of their day. It allows people to solve problems by talking themselves through tasks. It allows them to plan for future situations. It is also helpful in allowing people to express feelings and frustrations, particularly if they have difficulty expressing their feelings to others. There is even evidence that athletes who do not have Down syndrome use self talk to motivate themselves. Certainly people without Down syndrome talk to their computer (particularly when it crashes), and likewise many people talk out loud when driving in Chicago. (Of course they may also make odd gestures as well; not recommended if long life is one of your ambitions.)

Order and Structure would rule

We have heard that many people with Down syndrome are stubborn and compulsive. Now, I know what many of you are thinking…“Did you really have to bring that up?” I’m sorry, but—we do. What we hear is that quite a few people have nonsensical rituals and routines. They can get stuck on behaviors that can drive family members a little crazy.

Despite the irritations, there are also many benefits to these “obsessive compulsive tendencies.” We actually have termed these tendencies “Grooves” because people tend to follow fairly set patterns, or “grooves,” in their daily activities.

What are the benefits of Grooves? Many people with Down syndrome are very careful with their appearance and grooming, which is especially important since they often stand out because of their physical features. Grooves also increase independence because most people are able to complete home and work tasks reliably when these tasks are part of their daily routine. (And while they are not fast … they are very precise.) For many with Down syndrome, grooves serve as a way to relax. Some people repeat a favorite activity in a quiet space, such as writing, drawing, puzzles, needlepoint, etc. Grooves also serve as a clear and unambiguous statement of choice (very important for people with language limitations). This may even be a way for teens with Down syndrome to define their own independence without getting into the same rancorous conflicts with parents as many other teens.


So given what we know about people with Down syndrome and grooves, how would they use this to run the world? Here is how:

■Schedules and calendars would be followed.

■Trains & planes would run on time.

■Lunch would be at 12:00. Dinner at 6:00.

■Work time would be work time.


■Vacation would be vacation.

At the Center, our receptionist, Shirley, will often have people at her desk pointing to the clock or their watches. Obviously, she hears about it when we don’t take people back at their appointment time, but she also found that some people refuse to go back early: “Nope I am not going at 9:45, my appointment is at 10:00,” nor does going over into the lunch period work. I am sure all of you have similar stories.

But there is much, much more:

■People would be expected to keep their promises.

■Last minute changes would be strongly discouraged (if not considered rude and offensive).

■Places would be neat, clean, and organized (not just bedrooms, but cities, countries, the whole world).

■Lost and founds would go out of business (even chaotic appearing rooms have their own sense of order).

■The “grunge look” would be out, way out.


■“Prep” (but not pretentious) would be very big.

In the world of Down Syndrome, there would be a great deal more tolerance for:

■Repeating the same phrase or question

■Use of the terms “fun” and “cleaning” in the same sentence

■Closing doors or cabinets that are left ajar (even in someone else’s house)

■Arranging things until they are “Just so.”

Despite their compulsions and grooves, people with Down syndrome rarely have the really ‘bad habits’ that so many of us have. In fact, out of approximately 3000 people we have seen at the clinic, we have not seen any drug addicts or gamblers and just two alcoholics and a very small number of smokers. However, we think that pop may be a common addiction in the world of Down syndrome, and of course some people are incurable savers and hoarders of just about everything, but especially paper products and writing utensils. Because of this, I could see maybe a Betty Ford Center for pop addicts and extreme paper hoarding.

The words “hurry” and “fast” would be not be uttered in polite society. “Plenty of time” would take their place.

At the Center, we frequently hear about pace, or how fast or slow people move. Quite often these issues are discussed in disparaging terms by harried and frustrated family members. In this world, people with Down syndrome have a reputation for having two speeds, slow and slower.

Therefore, in the world of Down Syndrome:

■Our current mode of dealing with time, also known as the “Rat race” (or rushing around like our hair is on fire), would not survive.

■Here and now would command a great deal more respect than it currently does.

■Stopping to smell the roses would not be just a cliché.

■Work would be revered, no matter what kind, from doing dishes to rocket science.

We have consistently seen respect and devotion to work by people with Down syndrome. This is such a strong characteristic for many that they don’t want to stay home from work even if feeling ill. Perhaps more importantly, they value any kind of work.

Therefore, if people with Down syndrome ran the world:

■Speed would be far less important than doing the job right.

■Work would be everyone’s right, not a privilege.

However, we think there would probably be no work conducted during the time that “Wheel of Fortune” is on TV.

All instruction would include pictures to aid visual learners.

Many studies have shown that individuals with Down syndrome have deficits in auditory memory. If they cannot remember verbal instruction, they may be considered oppositional or less competent in school, home, or work environments. Despite this, they have exceptional visual memory-they are visual learners. If they see something once, they can usually repeat it. They also have an exceptional memory for facts and figures of interest (favorite celebrities, movies, music, sports teams, etc).

If people with Down syndrome ran the world:

■School and work sites would have picture, written, and verbal instructions to accommodate different learning styles.

■Counselors would be able to use visual mediums to help solve problems.


What About News?

If people with Down syndrome ran the world:

■Weather would be the only essential news item

■News would be more local (“A new McDonalds just opened up,” or “A dance tonight,” etc.). After all, what is more important than that?

What About Bad News?

If people with Down syndrome ran the world, would there be wars or murders? We don’t think so! There may be too many McDonalds but definitely not the wars or murders we have in our “civilized societies.”

What About “Behaviors”…

…and terms such as (the ever popular) “Incident reports,” “Outbursts,” “Unprovoked outbursts” (one of our all time favorites), and of course “Non compliance”?

We believe that in the world of Down Syndrome, anyone writing “incident reports” would have to go through sensitivity training, which would consist of someone following them around writing down everything they did wrong. Brian Chicoine and I both figure that we would have been on major psychotropic medications long ago if we had people writing up incident reports on us.

We have found that most people with Down syndrome are very sensitive to expressions of anger by others. I imagine they would do all they could to help reduce and solve conflicts between people.

Therefore if people with DS ran the world:

■Anger would only be allowed in special sound proof rooms.

■Trained negotiators would be available to everyone to help deal with any conflicts.

■The word “non compliant” would not be used (except as a very rude comment). It would be replaced by “assertive,” as in “he or she is being assertive today.”

What About Self Expression?

■Art and music appreciation would be BIG.

■People would have time to work on paintings and other art projects.

■Acting and theatrical arts would be encouraged for all.

Dancing

■You probably would not hear a great deal about exercise, but you may hear a phrase like, “Dancing tonight … absolutely.”

■The President’s commission on physical fitness would probably recommend dancing at least 3 times per week.

■People would be encouraged to get married several times to have more weddings for more music and dancing.

■Richard Simmons and John Travolta would be national heroes.

Music

■Elvis, The Beatles, and the Beach Boys would still be number 1 on the hit parade (Music of the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s would be BIG)

■Musicals would be very, very, very, big (such as “Grease,” and “The Sound of Music”)

■John Travolta would be the biggest star.

Television

■Classic TV hits would be very BIG and take up at least half the TV schedules.

■“I Love Lucy,” “Happy Days,” “The Three Stooges,” etc. would be very BIG.

■Wrestling would be very Big.

■“Life Goes On” would also be very Big and replayed regularly.


Movies

■There would be fewer movies, but they would be replayed over and over.

■Movie theaters would allow people to talk out loud to tell what happens next.

No Secret Agents

■People would not hurt the feelings of others and they would also not lie or keep secrets.

■Therefore there probably would be no secret service agents, spies, or terrorists.

The purpose of this article is to give back some of what we have learned to the families and people with Down syndrome who have come to the Adult Down Syndrome Center and who have been so giving and open with us. If people understand more of the special talents people with Down syndrome have, they may be more able to help them use and develop these talents to improve their lives. We also wanted to reassure families of younger children with Down syndrome who are concerned about their child’s future that there is much to be optimistic about.

I look forward to this future with Alex. In many ways she has already developed these special talents, but I believe the best is yet to come!

Suicide is Painless (M.A.S.H Theme)

Some days

some days are Fred and Ginger...all champagne, beautiful music, clouds of turquoise silk chiffon and diamonds...some days despite their golden aura, their exquisite beauty are just days for losing your religion...

Honey - In Honor and Remembrance

Honey

Labor Day Weekend 1995 - July 8, 2010

On a hot Saturday afternoon Alex was outside enjoying spraying everything in sight with his super soaker. He was 10 and happy that there was no school on Monday. I think I was contemplating taking a shower or just being by myself for a few minutes. I heard some commotion outside and Alex was yelling for "Mom."

There, outside on the carport was Alex holding on to the over-sized collar of the dirtiest little dog I had ever seen. She was also the sweetest little dog I had ever seen. My mother found some old belt to use as a leash. We grabbed a bowl for some water. I took off for the local pet store to get some food. She gobbled the food so quickly and lapped up the water and seemed to be very much at ease with us.

I remembered trying to cut some matted fur off...she was badly matted. Once the majority of the mats were removed we took her into the bathtub and started to clean her up. I'm pretty sure we were in the tub for over an hour, as it was shampoo and rinse for several cycles until she was cleaned up.

We did the right thing...trying to find her family. We posted signs and talked to neighbors, placed ads in newspapers, called vets and the humane society...and Alex and I were both secretly praying that no one would respond. No one claimed her and she would make her home with us for the next 15 years.

My mom said she looked like the color of honey...and so she was named. A visit to our vet where Dr. Jane estimated that she was between 6 months and a year and we had her spayed and teeth cleaned and her first grooming where she had to be shaved down because of the mats.

She lived up to that name, being the sweetest dog. We are grateful that she chose us as her family, and I referred to her as my doggee daughter, and Alex's sister. Non-dog people probably rolled their eyes when I would say to Honey to go find her brother...she was much more than a pet, she was a full-fledged member of the family.

She would sit in my lap as I worked on my coursework for my teaching degree. I had just started the program that would lead to my being certified to teach middle grades, and Honey was my muse.

She and Alex were inseparable when he was at home, they walked and played and Honey would often pull him down the street when he roller-bladed.

Honey became a desert dog when we moved to Las Vegas. On the trip out we had to hide her in a duffel bag to smuggle her in to motels that were not dog-friendly. She loved to ride in the car and loved adventures.

In Las Vegas we had to leave her alone for longer periods than we would have liked, my teaching schedule was demanding and when Alex entered high school his activities increased. When we would come in the door Honey would meet us with tail wagging and body vibrating. She was always happy when the pack was home.

We had a great many adventures in the desert. Long walks in our neighborhood, trips to California and Colorado. Honey adopted Alex's friend Ian as a brother and member of the pack. Our years in the desert were good.

Honey was right there with me when I had to move back to Georgia in 2003. We drove the many miles together. I took her into rest stop restrooms with me and we would stretch our legs and take in the scenery.

Alex would rejoin our pack a couple of years later and Honey would welcome her "brother" with tail wagging and seemed to almost wriggle out of her skin when she saw him.

The years just flew by...I became aware that Honey was aging...but with her puppy face and the vet always telling us how healthy she was and how good she looked...I blocked out any thoughts of my Honey getting older.

The very first time Honey had ever refused food was in early 2009. She was scheduled to have her teeth cleaned and I immediately called the vet to get her checked before that appointment. It was determined that she was having gall bladder issues and in February of 2009 she had her gall bladder removed. She did well during and after the surgery. The vets said that her kidney enzymes were elevated and she would be monitored.

Honey recovered well, but I was aware of her slowing down. I reduced the distance of her walks, we watched her diet and changed foods. I became a little more obsessive regarding her health. Alex and I did a lot of research and we refused vaccinations that were not absolutely necessary.

We bought Honey an orthopedic dog bed that was supposed to help relieve stress on joints. We had long ago stopped letting her jump into and out of the car. We increased our doggee massages and lavished more and more love and time. I suppose we knew what was coming, but could not bring ourselves to say anything out loud.

Around the first of June 2010 Honey got up from her bed and was limping. I immediately called the vet and she was seen that afternoon. Dr. Potter commented on how good she looked, and we talked about arthritis and as he looked over her chart he mentioned the elevated kidney enzymes. We left with some topical antibiotics for her ears (she had never had any ear infections that seem to plague many Cocker Spaniels) and a bag of Glucosamine Chondroitin for her 15 year old joints.

A few weeks later Honey started refusing her food and had a spell of diarrhea. I started cooking her food. She would stand in the kitchen as I cooked, waiting for her dish of rice and turkey and ground carrots and peas. She loved it and I loved cooking for her. The diarrhea continued and I took her to the vet.

On June 30 the vet examined her, and ran blood tests. Once again the kidney enzymes were elevated, her white count was up. Honey was really sick.

The vet started her on a IV. We took her to the emergency vet so they could continue the IV and monitor her overnight. I would pick her up the next morning and take her back to the vet for continued IV and monitoring.

Later that afternoon the vet called to say that she had done an ultrasound of Honey's kidneys. What she found was horrifying. Both kidneys were full of cysts. One kidney was covered almost completely by a huge cyst. It was determined that Honey had Polycystic Kidney Disease. It is common in cats and there are a few dog breeds that have it, but there was no literature on Cockers being effected.

The vet would let us take her home and we had antibiotics and some powder to place on her food that would help with breaking down the phosphorus that contributes to the formation of cysts. Honey was on a low-fat, low-protein, low phosphorus diet. There is no cure for Polycystic Kidney Disease.

She did well that weekend. Her appetite was back with a vengeance, we walked a bit and Alex, Honey and I decided we would sleep downstairs with her, as a pack.

I found a recipe for low-fat, low-protein, low-phosphorus dog cookies. The first batch was a disaster, but I picked out some that Honey could eat. She loved them.

On Tuesday July 6, I tried another batch, and was successful. Honey and I baked dog cookies, and she enjoyed them. I really had the best time baking with her. We bagged up some and printed out the recipe and Alex delivered them to the neighbor dogs.

Honey's recheck with the vet was on Wednesday July 7. When Alex brought her home he said "Mom, don't get all weird..." My heart sank. The best case scenario was that Honey would have months...the worst...weeks"

Not long after Alex had brought her back from the vet, I noticed Honey started pacing. She would pace and then rest for a bit and then start pacing again. She began pacing more and more and would end up entangled in furniture and she would try to get in a corner. This behavior would last all of Wednesday and Wednesday night.

We took turns "walking" with her. Holding her when she was able to rest for a time. It was heartbreaking to see. This went on all night and into the next morning.

Alex had a early call on Thursday morning or a public service announcement gig. I took Honey out around 3:30 am and we stayed out for almost an hour. She paced endlessly, she didn't appear to recognize me. She tried to hide in corners and refused to drink, but would take a few sips if I cupped some water in my hand.

Alex reluctantly left for his job around 5 am. Honey finally settled down, and she fell asleep with her head on my arm. We were almost nose to nose. Her soft muzzle was close to my face and I could feel and hear her breathing. Her breath was not doggee at all. It was like a puppy all sweet and pure. I lied there with her gently touching her and cherishing what I knew were my last moments with her. I remember telling her how much I loved her and that it was OK for her to go on. I thought if the universe had any kindness or sense of compassion, it would let her slip away.

Her rest lasted almost an hour. Then the pacing started again. More frantic more heartbreaking to watch. All the time she paced I was with her. I placed a very loose leash on her and guarded her so she would not fall or get stuck. She was refusing the water on my fingertips so I wetted a towel and tried to drip some on her mouth.

At one point during a pacing session, Honey looked up at me. She had the look I had seen from her on the few occasions that I had scolded her. She looked at me as if I had been scolding, the look was wounded, desperate. I told her that she had not done anything wrong...that I loved her and everything was going to be alright...I was saddened beyond belief that she thought I was punishing her.

It was at that point that I knew what must be done. Before that moment, I allowed the thought to enter and then quickly leave. It was now reality. Painful, obvious reality.

The vet's office did not open until 8:00 am. I waited until they opened and called. Dr. Potter returned the call. We discussed the situation and I told him we could call once I had talked to Alex.

Alex called when he was finished with his job. I filled him in on the events and conversation with Dr. Potter.

When Alex got home, he called Dr. Potter. It was agreed that Dr. Potter would come to the house along with a vet tech.

Alex and I sat on the sofa and held Honey on our laps. Her precious head was on his lap and her little tail on mine. She was give a shot to make her sleep. The shot made her yelp and I thought I would die. She was able to relax for the first time in over a day. Once she was sleeping she started snoring and she was our little sleepy puppy once again.

There was a bit of a problem finding a vein. I wanted to go with her. It was very fast. I recall Alex saying she was gone.

There were tears from everyone. Alex carried her out to Dr. Potters car.

Honey was cremated. Her jar is inscribed:

Honey

Beautiful and Noble

Infinitely Beloved

1995 - 2010

Beautiful in Body and Spirit

The Stuff of Stars

The only thing I look forward to, the only thing that gives me any amount of hope is looking at the night sky.  I am able to feel a odd sense of peace when I look up at the black forever. I am still able to identify a handful of constellations.  I can no longer identify single stars.

There is a song from the movie Fame...I Sing The Body Electric...not to be confused with Walt Whitman's I Sing The Body Electric, or Ray Bradbury's short story collection and a short story by the same name.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIiK5NRjvUY

I took that song to mean something very personal...the story of death and reincarnation...not reincarnation as a human but being born into the Universe when released from the gravity of earth...when I look up at the night sky I see my family, my friends that are all gone from this Earth but born again into the Universe as what Carl Sagan called "Star Stuff."


There is also an Eskimo proverb: “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

I want to fold in to space...become star stuff...as I am tired, weary and am giving up on this earthly hell.

We've been fortunate...up to now

I've learned that the son of a cousin has died.  We've been fortunate in not losing any of our young people...the last child to die (Dad's side of the family) was little Tammy in late 1968 or early 1969.  She died during surgery to try to correct a heart defect.

This boy is the only son of Judy and Alan...evidently it was a drug overdose...so very very sad...Alan has been out of the country...he and Judy have been divorced for years...I don't know how long...Alan is my cousin, but Judy has always felt like the real cousin...my heart breaks for both of them...but as a mother I just cannot imagine what she is going through...I have no idea what I will say to her...

I hate drugs...I hate that our young people get involved with them...I hate that we can't seem to help them...

Here is the link to the notice:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/gainesvilletimes/obituary.aspx?n=gregory-alan-martin&pid=139303880

Faye makes the front page

Faye made the front page of the local newspaper.


http://www.gainesvilletimes.com/news/article/28346/

The snow is falling

The snow started around 1400 (2:00 pm Eastern) at first gently, tentatively...now happily and intensely.

Beautiful...

Snow...

We are all abuzz here at the feet of the Blue Ridge...snow is in the forecast for tomorrow.

Snow is a rarity...I think I can count on one hand the number of times I can remember real snow when I've been here.

We usually just get those pesky and dangerous ice storms that bring down power lines and rupture water mains and wreck havoc throughout the land.

Snow, real snow would be wonderful.

I love the quiet, the starkness, the void, lack of shadows...purity for a fleeting moment.

When I headed off to Boulder to attend the University of Colorado I was so excited about the snow. I was ill-attired as I recall. I had wool coats and gloves and some jaunty little hats. The problem with wool is that it gets wet and soggy.

Right after that first snow in Boulder it was off to the mall to get properly winterized. Much to my new friends horror I opted for a bright orange fake-down jacket from Montgomery Ward. I was teased unmercifully about that jacket. I had no idea that it was intended for hunters. I can remember sitting in one of those huge lecture classes. It was astrogeophysics 112 and I was in the nose bleed section of the lecture hall sitting with a fellow southener, a sweet boy from North Carolina. The TA way down on the floor in front of the lectern even made some remark about the orange jacket on row whatever.

I loved that jacket, and became somewhat of a celebrity for it. But, when returning home for Christmas, I gave in and bought a real down jacket in the same blue as every other person in Boulder. Believe it or not, I still have that blue jacket. The orange one was passed around and I imagine it ended up being barn wear or stable wear years ago.

The school superintendents have already called for early release of students for tomorrow. I called Faye's day care and said she would not be attending tomorrow, it will just be easier for us to keep her home. They are supposed to follow the county school schedule, but the volunteer I talked to when I called to cancel Faye said they didn't follow the schedule for early-release. Duh? I wonder if she had talked to the director? Faye is able and mobile, but all those little old ladies and men that attend the day care are fragile, and 99 percent of them have dementia and Alzheimers. It would make sense to close or follow the early release. Keeping Faye home means one less person they will have to wrangle.

I imagine the hunt for snow day supplies is starting to heat up. The requisite bread and milk are what the masses will be in search of. Here, it will be cheese, sourdough bread, Merlot, and pop corn.

gainesvilletimes.com - Forecaster: Conditions ‘perfect’ for snow on Thursday

gainesvilletimes.com - Forecaster: Conditions ‘perfect’ for snow on Thursday

English Translation of The Shema

Hear, O Israel, the L-rd is our G-d, the L-rd is One.

Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever.

You shall love the L-rd your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be upon your heart. You shall teach them thoroughly to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be for a reminder between your eyes. And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates.

And it will be, if you will diligently obey My commandments which I enjoin upon you this day, to love the L-rd your G-d and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, I will give rain for your land at the proper time, the early rain and the late rain, and you will gather in your grain, your wine and your oil. And I will give grass in your fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be sated. Take care lest your heart be lured away, and you turn astray and worship alien gods and bow down to them. For then the L-rd's wrath will flare up against you, and He will close the heavens so that there will be no rain and the earth will not yield its produce, and you will swiftly perish from the good land which the L-rd gives you. Therefore, place these words of Mine upon your heart and upon your soul, and bind them for a sign on your hand, and they shall be for a reminder between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, to speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road, when you lie down and when you rise. And you shall inscribe them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates - so that your days and the days of your children may be prolonged on the land which the L-rd swore to your fathers to give to them for as long as the heavens are above the earth.

The L-rd spoke to Moses, saying: Speak to the children of Israel and tell them to make for themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout their generations, and to attach a thread of blue on the fringe of each corner. They shall be to you as tzizit, and you shall look upon them and remember all the commandments of the L-rd and fulfill them, and you will not follow after your heart and after your eyes by which you go astray - so that you may remember and fulfill all My commandments and be holy to your G-d. I am the L-rd your G-d who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your G-d; I, the L-rd, am your G-d. True.

*The Shema is an affirmation of Judaism and a declaration of faith in one G-d. The obligation to recite the Shema is separate from the obligation to pray and a Jew is obligated to say Shema in the morning and at night (Deut. 6:7).

A prayer for healing

G-d, hear my prayer,
And let my cry come to You.
Do not hide from me in the day of my distress
Turn to me and speedily answer my prayer.
Eternal G-d, Source of healing,
Out of my distress I call upon You.
Help me sense Your presence
At this difficult time.
Grant me patience when the hours are heavy;
In hurt or disappointment give me courage.
Keep me trustful in Your love.
Give me strength for today, and hope for tomorrow.
To your loving hands I commit my spirit
When asleep and when awake. You are with me; I shall not fear.

A prayer for the ill

I know there are those in the world that are ill, here is a prayer. The explanation for this particular prayer can be found at:

http://www.myjewishlearning.com/texts/Liturgy_and_Prayers/Siddur_Prayer_Book/Torah_Service/Prayer_for_the_Sick.shtml

May the One who blessed our ancestors --

Patriarchs Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,

Matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah --

bless and heal the one who is ill:

________________ son/daughter of ________________ .

May the Holy Blessed One

overflow with compassion upon him/her,

to restore him/her,

to heal him/her,

to strengthen him/her,

to enliven him/her.

The One will send him/her, speedily,

a complete healing --

healing of the soul and healing of the body --

along with all the ill,

among the people of Israel and all humankind,

soon,

speedily,

without delay,

and let us all say: Amen!

The first day of a new year...

I spent the greater part of the morning reading over some material regarding psychoses and affective disorders in my old psychiatry textbook. I started a MA in Psychology a million years ago and didn't get too far into it...but finishing it is sometimes on my mind.

The research I'm sure is dated, as the textbooks have a copyright from 1986...and I know that we no longer use certain terms...I am always searching to find answers as to why I am the way I am...in hope that if I understand myself I will be able to help myself...the section on suicide was most interesting...

I allowed myself a little bit of hope because of the new year and all...was able to ignore a few of my mom's barbs and though it is very cold for this area, the sun is shining and the sky is a pretty light blue.

Then...my phone rings...it is Alex calling from his work...something is wrong with his car...he has just paid several thousand dollars, actually, he had to place the charges on a credit card as neither one of us have any real money. He will need to get in touch with the mechanic who was supposed to fix it, and of course he will have to borrow my rigged-up vehicle to get to his church choir on Sunday morning and then he just sounded like garbled wah wah wahing...my mood dropped through the floor...the headache became more pronounced, the feelings of gloom and despair weighed down...it just isn't going to change...I am unable to take much more...

I think of Job, the story in the Bible, though I'm not all that familiar with the story and I am NOT comparing myself to him, I do know that he was being tested by satan to prove his devotion and allegiance to G-d.

I will go and read the story so I am sure I understand it.

If I am being tested, I imagine it will get much more difficult than broken cars and lack of money and a job...will I pass? Will I give in? What unholy thing have I done to bring this on?

How I envy those people that can see only good and positives in everything. How I envy those people that never question adversity and plod along with Jeanne d'Arc unfaltering faith and belief...

I must find something to keep me afloat here, for a bit...